Commercial Writing... what would Joanna say?

please read in the voice of Joanna Lumley:

Start the day on a summer breeze with this exceptionally pretty crockery. Its innocent flower motif, repeated through a host of melt-in-the-mouth pastels, is pure and dainty elegance. Sure to look just-so with the all the best colour schemes or a dapple-shaded garden…just add Sunday papers and the whistle of a kettle. 

 

...in the voice of Trevor McDonald:

Kimawear has introduced a range of outdoor ashtrays to give offices, hotels, clubs and shopping malls an elegant solution to the growing problem of smoking related litter at entrances and in outdoor smoking areas.

 

In appearance, the ashtrays are slim-line silver tubes with a hand-polished mirror finish. At the top of these tubes is a small hole, which the smoker drops their cigarette butt into. There is no need for the user to stub-out the butt, as it will extinguish by itself inside the bin through lack of oxygen. This makes the ashtrays easy and quick to use, and therefore more likely to be used.

 

...in the voice of John Simm:

In 2001, the number of divorces granted in the UK was 157,000. Most of the couples behind that statistic will have vowed 'till death us do part' and meant every word. So divorce happens, it happens to people who least expect it, and it will happen to people we care about – if not ourselves.
In the past divorce relied heavily on negotiation through solicitors and decisions being made through the courts. This impersonal approach encouraged the ‘battle ground’ mentality with talk of winners, losers and what each person ‘got’. Today the aim is to start friendly and keep things that way as much as possible. It is less about what you can get than what everybody involved really needs. It is still a very difficult time, but with the right help the stress can be reduced....

 

The right words and the right tone of voice

Mail order copy, news releases, feature articles, brochures, scripts...

 

The right information will get them interested, but only tone of voice has the power to charm.

 

And this maxim includes charming journalists, as they do love a puff-free news release.

 

Just read through the examples on the left in your head, using the voices suggested - there's information aplenty in all three, but oh how different the voice is.

 

But if you're still not convinced...

 

Try reading Joanna's copy in Trevor's voice

 

And by the way, everything on this page was written by one person.